Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The truth about staying home

I debated and debated on whether or not to post this.  Or to even write this.  I don't want people to think we are dysfunctional, or that my daughter is a terror.  I decided to write this in case there are other parents out there that need help.

 I love staying at home and watch my babies grow.  I love watching them develop and learn new things.  We've been working with Lacey on tying her shoes...she has done it a handful of times by herself.  It's amazing to watch her face light up whenever she gets it!!  She tells everyone "You can't go to Kindergarten until you can tie your shoes."  So she wants to be good and ready for Kindergarten. 

We've been having trouble with Lacey's behavior.  She is an amazing little girl, very intelligent and picks up on everything.  We don't have any problems at school, she listens, sits, plays with her friends, doesn't do anything that concerns her teacher.  At home she is a different child, slams doors, yells, screams, throws things, hits, bites, says hateful things.

It got so bad one time that I called Brandon in hysterics.  I didn't know what to do.  She was yelling, hitting me, telling me she hated me.  It broke my heart.  I tried to keep my head, remind myself that she is only four and doesn't know any better.  At our next  Parent as teachers meeting I brought it up to her, and she was concerned.  She set us up with counselors from K-State. 

Two weeks ago we finally met them.  They are really sweet, and wanted to get a good feel for our family.  We told them about our concerns, about our family life, about Brandon adopting Lacey, about Lacey's biological father, things they needed to know.  Well last week at our appointment they said that they think we need to get Lacey into our Pediatrician and talk about CAT scans, head starts pounding.  What could possibly be wrong with my little girl? 

So Tuesday I take Lacey to the Dr.  She said absolutely no scans of any sort.  She suggested we meet with a psychiatrist.  She thinks that Lacey may have something called ODD Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  Our Dr. said that she would absolutely not put Lacey on any medications.  Thank goodness!  She said what they would do is more family therapy type of deal.  Help Lacey deal with anger, and help us help Lacey.  

The truth is staying at home isn't always sunshine, and rainbows.  It's hard.  It's stressful.  Some days I cry, some times I lose my temper, some times the kids push every single button.  Some days I feel all alone.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I just want other Stay at home mommy's to know that they aren't alone.  That other mommy's have good days and bad days.  That not every day is rainbows and sunshine like they make it seem.

I will keep you all posted about our appointment with the psychiatrist.     


  1. ((Hugs!)) I hope everything with Lacey will work out and I bet it will. That is so great about her tying her shoes! Keep us updated on how things go.

    I totally agree, not everyday is great. Both of my boys are amazing but somedays I am in a horrible mood by the time Jason gets home because the whining, crying, throwing toys etc drive me to a breaking point. Most days are good but the bad days seem to come all in a row. I imagine all SAHM's deal with this--even if they dont talk about it-- because it can be very isolating and repetitive. I know Jason has told me that there is no way he could do what I do without going crazy and I also know that the thing that keeps me home is the fact they grow up so fast and I dont want to miss this time, so with the good comes the bad. Big hugs mama, I'm always here if you need me!

  2. Thank you Julie! It is just tough with two little ones and a husband who works 14 hour days. I know you know how that is. Some days I feel like all I do is laundry, dishes, vacuum, clean up toys, and break up fights.

  3. Oh Katie,

    I'm so sorry to hear about all the stresses your dealing with. I can't yet fully relate since Bitsy doesn't have the ability to say much of anything or throw many tantrums at this early stage! But I know the days will come and knowing that I'm not alone will be a HUGE comfort! For some reason becoming a SAHM people assume we all sit on the couch all day and do nothing, they don't realize the work that goes into running a household and raising kids. I have such admiration for you in sharing your situation and telling everyone it's okay to have bad days. I know that with work Lacey will be transformed and I'll be praying for her and you throughout all of this! Let me know if I can help at all (even if it's just a Skype date/phone call so you can vent)!

    Lots of Hugs!

  4. Being a SAHM is definitely difficult at times (although I think most of us can agree that it is extremely rewarding). Thanks so much for sharing with us. Next time Liam's on a rampage, I'll remember that I'm not alone.

  5. Katie,
    Remember, you are able to do something most mothers cannot do! Be a SAHM. :) I think it's great that you are getting a head start on helping Lacy. On the inside, she may be just as frustrated as you are and doesn't know how to express it but through anger. I'll be thinking of ya!

  6. I am so blessed with amazing friends. Thank you all. It's just a relief to get it out there and not be judged.